


beneath a shattered golden sky

by LailaLiquorice



Category: Six - Marlow/Moss
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/F, Fluff, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Religion, Religious Conflict, Self-Worth Issues, catherine is struggling but anne is an angel, the softest aragon you've ever seen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-09
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2020-06-25 09:25:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19742812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LailaLiquorice/pseuds/LailaLiquorice
Summary: Catherine has always struggled with reconciling her religion and her sexuality. Anne will do whatever she can to help when an awful comment sends her into a spiral.





	beneath a shattered golden sky

It hadn’t been easy for Aragon to reconcile her religion with her emotions upon her reincarnation. It went against everything she had ever been taught, ever believed, but how could she deny what was in her heart? Those conflicting parts of her had lead to a tough journey of reassessing her faith, reassessing herself, and a lot of time spent researching homosexuality in Catholicism with Cathy’s help. While her goddaughter was Protestant so there were a few differences in their faiths, her help had been invaluable while Catherine was figuring out her feelings.

Anne had also been a solid support. At the start of their relationship, Catherine had almost envied her for the ease with which she came to terms with her sexuality. Everything came easily to Anne, the polar opposite of her sometimes uptight self, and she loved her for it as well as envied her for it occasionally. But Catherine couldn’t get over that hurdle that quickly and she was grateful that Anne had never held that against her at all. Their relationship was something they took slowly, at Catherine’s pace, and as much as Catherine sometimes felt guilty for holding Anne back she was grateful that her girlfriend never tried to push her faster than she could comfortable go.

Even once Catherine felt ready to kiss Anne in front of the other queens, to hold her hand while walking down the street, it didn’t make her journey of progress any less precarious. And it didn’t take much for her to be knocked several steps backwards.

After going out on a date for breakfast at a little café they both liked, they were walking back home with Anne holding onto Catherine’s arm. With Pride approaching there were rainbow flags strung up everywhere which gave Catherine the extra boost of confidence she needed to rest her hand on Anne’s as they walked, feeling safe and content in the happy atmosphere with her girlfriend by her side.

Until an aggressive voice from behind them shattered that illusion of safety.

They both flinched at the slur that was hurled at them, knowing clearly what it meant even though it wasn’t a word they had been used to in their old lives. Catherine was about to keep on walking with her head held high when the words came which made her heart stop for a moment.

“You’ll burn in Hell for this!”

Catherine stopped in her tracks. Hearing the words aloud which she’d once heard within her own head felt like someone had thrown a bucket of ice water over her head. The world around her blurred as her mind started to whirl; she could hear Anne shouting in the background but she couldn’t do anything about it, frozen still with her eyes wide as they stared at nothing.

Minutes or hours could have passed before she became aware of a gentle voice calling her name and a hand squeezing hers. “…Catherine?” Anne repeated until Catherine’s eyes flicked up to meet her gentle gaze, all her fury gone as she watched Catherine’s emotionless expression. “Come on, let’s go home.”

Catherine could only nod mutely, letting Anne keep a hold of her hand as they walked the rest of the way back to the house. The familiar streets were hardly recognisable to her in her anxious state – the only sensory input she could register properly was the pressure of Anne’s hand in hers. But while part of her was clinging onto that contact as her only lifeline, the louder voice in her head was screaming at her for daring to hold her girlfriend’s hand.

“We’re home, babe,” came Anne’s soft voice through the haze in her mind, and Catherine looked up from the floor to see their front garden. She still didn’t say anything as Anne unlocked the door, but as soon as she was over the threshold into her own home she snatched her hand out of Anne’s grasp and practically ran up the stairs to her bedroom. Anne’s confused shout from downstairs was ignored as she shut the door and sunk onto her bed.

A sob ripped from her throat as Catherine hunched over and cried.

She could feel how hard she was shaking as her arms wrapped around herself, desperately trying to anchor herself in a world she was still dissociating from. Her head was screaming so loudly that she could feel physical pain pulsing at her temples, snagging her fingers in her hair as she cradled her head and begged for it to go away. She couldn’t bear to look towards the crucifix on her bedside table in her shame and self-loathing, painfully aware of the cross around her neck which rested on her skin below her t-shirt.

A knock at her door startled her from where she was fumbling to take the necklace off, freezing like a deer in the headlights when she heard Anne on the other side. “Catherine?” she called, “can I come in? I’m worried about you.”

“No,” Catherine choked out, cursing herself for how her voice shook. After forcing herself to inhale deeply she added in a somewhat calmer voice “I’m fine, Anne, I just want to be by myself for a little while.”

There was silence for a moment, and Catherine could only hope that Anne had left. But then the door handle moved just slightly, presumably from Anne’s hand resting on it from the outside, and Catherine curled in on herself again in an attempt to shield and protect herself.

“Catherine?” Anne called again, and it was hard not to sob audibly at the concern in her voice which Catherine was convinced she didn’t deserve. “I’m gonna come in in a minute, ok? I don’t want you in here on your own after… after that.” Her voice faltered a little as she trailed off.

The thought of Anne seeing her in such a state added even more conflicting feelings to the panicked thoughts whirling around her head. Despite how much she loved her girlfriend she was still so scared to let Anne see her vulnerable, to give anyone any ammunition that they could possibly use against her. She was known as the cool and collected one, the firm and strong one, and that was all in jeopardy if one comment from a stranger could reduce her to a trembling mess. She laughed harshly at that, hands covering her mouth as she rested her forehead on her knees.

But on the other hand, she longed for the comfort of Anne’s presence to bring her back to Earth from where she’d been left spinning aimlessly. The floor beneath her feet still didn’t feel quite real enough for her liking, even less so as the oxygen in her lungs was lessened from covering her nose and mouth, and the feeling of being so untethered was only making her anxiety worse. Her heart hammered loud in her ear as her shallow breathing increased to near-hyperventilation, lungs screaming for air though she was frozen in her hunched over position.

She knew dimly that Anne had probably been able to hear her gasping breaths from the other side of the door, so she wasn’t particularly surprised when there was suddenly a warm body pressed against hers and a hand rubbing her back. “Breathe, Catalina. Please breathe with me,” Anne said in her ear, sat as close to Catherine as she could physically get while gently pulling one hand away from her face. “I’ve got you, you’re here, you just need to breathe.”

Catherine let herself be pulled into Anne’s arms, physically unable to resist as the anxiety attack sapped all the strength from her limbs. But Anne’s arms around her was the grounding presence that she needed, and slowly she began to feel her shoulders losing their tension and her lungs relaxing as she became more aware of her surroundings. For several minutes she didn’t move from where her face was hidden in the crook of Anne’s neck, unwilling to face Anne’s worried expression and the questions she knew were coming about what had prompted her panic.

Sure enough, Anne shifte Catherine in her arms so that she was looking up at her as she gently prompted “Talk to me, babe?”

Even though there was only love and understanding in Anne’s expression, that was all it took for Catherine to push her way out of Anne’s embrace to sit alone on the bed. Her eyes were squeezed shut in a last futile line of defence, her hands shaking again at the thought of talking to Anne about what had knocked her so off kilter.

Seeming to sense her fears, Anne slipped her hand into Catherine’s and ran a thumb over her knuckled. “I’m not gonna make you talk about it yet if you don’t want to,” she said quietly. “But he was so wrong, he was wrong about us and he was wrong about your faith.”

In the quiet that followed, Catherine slowly relaxed enough to lean against Anne’s side and rest her head on her shoulder. Anne didn’t prompt her any further, sitting silently as Catherine gathered her courage and let her tension slowly seep away.

“It brought everything back.”

“Hmm?” Anne responded at Catherine’s sudden confession.

Now that the first words were out in the open, Catherine knew she couldn’t button her thoughts up again or she’d never speak of them again. “I’d just found a place where I was happy with being Catholic and being ga- being gay. And now I’m unsure again. I’ve prayed and prayed for answers but I’ve received no resolution which could either mean God is content with my path or He holds me in such shame He won’t speak to me. My faith is so important to me, it’s the one thing I’ve always had, and the thought of being condemned for eternity just because of something I love?”

She faltered there, hot tears spilling down her cheeks as she turned her head slightly to hide in Anne’s hair. Anne didn’t say anything immediately, just switching the hand holding Catherine’s in order to wrap an arm around Catherine’s shoulders and pull her close.

After a little while, Anne gently nudged Catherine back upright as she stood up. “Hold tight for a sec,” she murmured, then disappeared out the door without an explanation. Catherine’s head tilted upwards as Anne’s footsteps echoed up the attic staircase to her bedroom above, then thundered back down again as she rushed back into Catherine’s room with a thick book held in her arms.

“Shuffle up,” she said as she crawled over the bed to sit with her back leaning against the wall, leaning forward to take Catherine’s hand again as she moved to sit beside her. Once Catherine was leaning against her shoulder again she placed the book on her lap, taking a deep breath before she spoke. “This is something I’ve been working on for a little while,” she said, showing Catherine what was in fact a Bible with dozens of fluorescent notes sticking out at all angles. “And it’s not against anything to annotate a Bible, I checked with a pastor online.”

Catherine smiled tiredly at her hasty addition, curling further into Anne’s side to show her appreciation.

Anne turned her head to kiss Catherine’s forehead before she continued. “You’re gonna have to roll with me for a mo. All the pink stickies are all the passages that people use to say that being gay is wrong in the eyes of God. But-“ she continued quickly as Catherine stiffened predictably “-I’ve annotated them all with why people take the meaning wrong. Bits that got messed up in the translation from Hebrew, things that are misread, stuff like that. Thought it’d make you feel better when you’re struggling with stuff.”

She finished with a timid smile, looking nervously down at Catherine as she anticipated her response. Catherine couldn’t react for a moment, staring at the Bible with wide eyes as she tried to comprehend what Anne was giving her. It was a gift of unimaginable depths: the hours that Anne must have put into her annotations were unimaginable.

Still too overwhelmed to speak, Catherine just hugged Anne’s torso and let out a quiet hum as she closed her eyes.

“I know, babes. I know,” Anne said with a soft chuckle, letting Catherine relax as she held her close.

Catherine was content to stay in her arms for a few minutes, before a thought crossed her mind and she struggled out of Anne’s embrace again. “What?” Anne asked, her face falling when she caught sight of Catherine’s expression.

Shifting uncomfortably, Catherine shrugged as she tried to put words to the guilt that had chosen that moment to rush back in full force. “I feel guilty that I’m holding you back by not being able to accept myself,” she said all in a rush, knowing once again that she had to get her words out as fast as possible once she started. “If you were with someone else you could hold hands and kiss and be open without being dragged back. You could ignore protesters without needing to sit here with me. You could be yourself properly if it weren’t for me.”

“Catherine, stop,” Anne said firmly, a distraught look in her eyes which made Catherine fall silent immediately. “Listen, I’m not like him. I’m here for the long run. I’m never gonna get tired of you, or want someone who someone thinks is better than you, or abandon you ever. There’s nothing you could do to make me not want you. I’m here. And I’m staying.” She reached out hesitantly to hold Catherine’s hand again, tugging lightly until Catherine slowly looked over at her.

“You’re here,” she echoed in a voice not much more than a whisper.

Anne smiled. “You said it,” she quipped softly, opening her arms again. After hardly a moment’s pause, Catherine let herself lie against Anne with one arm around her back and the other touching the cross around her neck as the two felt at peace with each other again.

**Author's Note:**

> Something a little different! This was fuelled by the yelling of the six discord since we all boarded the Aralyn train a couple of days ago. Much love to Abs especially for yelling about aralyn angst with me. I'm not particularly religious myself so I'm trusting in the comments of others that I'm portraying this right, and if there's anything that I could add/amend for future fics then please let me know!
> 
> I know I normally write Aragon and Boleyn as mother/daughter, but my multishipper heart took over. don’t worry I’m still Parrlyn trash and there’s Parrlyn fic coming soon but here’s something a little different for now c:
> 
> I'm lailaliquorice on tumblr :)


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